View Single Post
      07-20-2019, 03:54 PM   #532
Lups
...
Lups's Avatar
11820
Rep
15,400
Posts

Drives: I don't own a car.
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lost as usual

iTrader: (0)

At this point of July, I'm going to have to submit an update here, and also take this opportunity to publically admit defeat.

A month ago, my aunt decided she wants to throw a huge party, all relatives invited. She doesn't have the space, so she did what I too do the best, invaded mine.

On August 3rd, all our blood relatives have been invited to a party that will be held in my house, you know, the house that's nowhere near completed! My yard looks like shit. My flag pole is more like a half done erection than a pole you haul a flag to. At the moment, the whole house is covered in dust and bits of bricks since we are building the stupid ovens still. I'm very glad she kept the invitations private, and not take a space in a newspaper or anything....

I'm not exactly kidding about the devastation and destruction around here. I had two weeks ago 700 bricks in my front lawn (or where lawn would go, if I had any), and about 800 kg of the fucking shit that had to be put in between those.

The stoves are almost up now, but the whole house is a mess. Tomorrow, perhaps, the interior reno is done for two weeks. That's about how long it'll take me to clean this all up, and to prepare for an invasion.

And an invasion it appears to be.

At the moment 150 guests have informed the organizer that they'll be here. The organizer indeed took an add in our city paper. She will also make sure there will be a person reading poetry present. All I have to do is to make sure one of our toilets can be accessed with a wheelchair, food, location, drinks, I have to set up a space where people can watch photos and to provide a clerk who will write down who's in which photo. I'm also in charge of the booze and I'm also the transporter for the more disabled people.

The youngest person there will be my youngest son, 7, the oldest as of today is only 98 years old.

Since my grandma hated me, the only thing any of my relatives from that side knows about me is that I make a killer vegetable soup, topped with sour cream and bacon. I hired a catering company, and they told me they could never do my soup for so many people, so now I actually have to do that too. The two I tried to hire after I was fired as a client told me very kindly that : " we all have delt with your family members. They're horrible, they just are. We are not going to sink with this ship. Good luck".

My great plan now is to make that stupid fucking soup that even toothless people can eat, I'm doing it gluten and lactose free. I'm going to serve two salads too, one meaty, one mostly stupidly green. Since gluten cant be served, I'm doing cheese cakes..

I know my mom's traumas that make her clean the drawers and socks for Christmas were caused by these people and now I'm stuck feeding them, in my house that looks like a hurricane has destroyed all clean surfaces on it for the last 20 days.

Since I can, here are some pics of how bad this currently is


That's my bedroom. I sat on my bed when I took that one.



That's my livingroom. Yes. I have a garden gnome that wears no pants.

I have two more fully operating bathrooms but somehow I feel like this July just keeps on going worse and worse direction. Tomorrow those two fire places will be finished. Then I have 9 days to clean this damn place up, and then I'll have to start cooking, and baking.

Also, my aunt's dog is apparently dying, so I'm even more stuck with this party alone.

I did paint the house, so the exterior is not a horror show anymore. Now I just have to handle the August 3rd and I can be drunk for all I care for the rest of the year!

So all going as usual here. I apparently will be enjoying traditional Finnish poetry and music in a few days sober.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
You're still a little new here, so I'll let you in on a little secret. Whenever Lups types gibberish, this is an opportunity for you to imagine it to be whatever you'd like it to be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delta0311 View Post
How would you know this? Did mommy catch you jerking off to some Big Foot porn ?
Appreciate 2