Unwanted house guest that has over stayed his welcome

M-technik-3 · 03-05-2024, 05:58 PM

I took in my significant other's adult child now 31 but acts like a 20 year old about 4 years ago that has moved out twice and then played upon his Mother's emotions and against my better notions allowed him to move back in.

Doesn't pay rent, has a full time job has zero bills because he doesn't pay them. Has a daughter that myself and my gal are raising along with his former baby mommy that is active in her life. He pay's zilch to support her.

I gave him move out in writing 120 days ago for 1 March 24 that way he could get his shit straight, well he tells me I have right's. And sadly my Communist State of Massatushits gives him that other wise all his crap would be in the trash bin or recycled at GoodWill. So I have to go the court way, Such a fun time when all I'd like to do is get my 12 gauge pump action out and chamber a round to see how fast he moves.

I'm older and was raised the old school way and my father would have kicked my ass if I ever even thought of pulling this stunt. I also have a son who is roughly his age and he know's I'd kick his tush.

What in tarnations makes younger people think that it's ok to be a leach like this?
Just hoping the court system will just be done with sooner than I expect.

Car-Addicted · 03-05-2024, 06:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by M-technik-3

Just hoping the court system will just be done with sooner than I expect.

Good luck with that but in the mean time secure all weapons and consider a couple camera's.

nerdogray · 03-05-2024, 06:36 PM

Sounds like he needs a blanket party.

M-technik-3 · 03-05-2024, 06:46 PM

They are in my gun safe. I wouldn't jeopardize being able to legally own a weapon. When he moved in I secured them all plus all my keys to my spare cars in it.

Our03z4 · 03-05-2024, 06:52 PM

Get rid of your significant other too while you're at it. She should have put her foot down and allowing this to go on to the point you have to go to court is insane. I would cut ties with that poor decision making family.

Like the person above said, secure all weapons and you best get cameras up...most likely the drama has just begun.

Sorry you have to go through this and wishing you the best of luck!

vreihen16 · 03-05-2024, 07:49 PM

How about getting a child support garnishment from his wages as an introduction to adulting? If you're already taking care of his child and plan to continue, you should file for guardianship and get those payments.

Basement-dwellers of that age also can't survive without wifi for their gaming consoles. Just saying.....

M-technik-3 · 03-05-2024, 08:18 PM

Mom live's in her own house. She has guardianship and started proceedings on child support last year but alas the state of taxchusetts is slow when it comes to court stuff I have noticed.

Funny I suffered garnishment when State of Michigan attached my wages for child support. They took from my retirement and my full time job. I was not in the rears either. Took getting ahold a Representative from ex's district to do an audit on the my account. They payed me over 10K back. Bureaucracy is slow to work in the little persons favaor most of the time.

chassis · 03-05-2024, 08:41 PM

The definition of insanity is ____________________________________________.

iminhell1 · 03-05-2024, 08:53 PM

I'm confused on what law would protect him?

He's not paying rent.
He's an adult with means.
There's no contract law involved. So any eviction notice shouldn't be needed.
If the home is solely in your name I would think you have sole control of the domicile.

TBH, change the locks. Charge him storage fee's for his stuff and tell him time's up.

c1pher · 03-05-2024, 09:11 PM

Scenarios like this make me glad I don’t have a relationship with my kids. I rest easy knowing I did my job and they are self sufficient. Would I prefer to have a relationship? Sure but I was never their friend, I was their father.

dreamingat30fps · 03-05-2024, 10:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by c1pher

Scenarios like this make me glad I don’t have a relationship with my kids. I rest easy knowing I did my job and they are self sufficient. Would I prefer to have a relationship? Sure but I was never their friend, I was their father.

Jeeez

From one fucked up situation to another. You know a 3rd possibility is you have kids who are raised right and don't end up being losers and still magically manage to have a relationship with their fathers.

M-technik-3 · 03-06-2024, 03:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iminhell1

I'm confused on what law would protect him?

He's not paying rent.
He's an adult with means.
There's no contract law involved. So any eviction notice shouldn't be needed.
If the home is solely in your name I would think you have sole control of the domicile.

TBH, change the locks. Charge him storage fee's for his stuff and tell him time's up.

Sadly Mass gives squatters rights.

2000cs · 03-06-2024, 06:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreamingat30fps

Jeeez

From one fucked up situation to another. You know a 3rd possibility is you have kids who are raised right and don't end up being losers and still magically manage to have a relationship with their fathers.

Yeah, and the tooth fairy is real. Easter Bunny too!

vreihen16 · 03-06-2024, 06:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iminhell1

I'm confused on what law would protect him?

If he has mail being delivered to the house, he is considered a resident and must be evicted through the courts. Changing the locks will only get you in legal trouble. Restraining orders will put you up for false reporting litigation if used in lieu of a proper eviction. These cases come up almost weekly on Judge Judy's new show when people try to self-help themselves outside of the housing court system, and it never ends well for the property owner.....

cmyx6go · 03-06-2024, 06:46 AM

I'm sorry to hear this. His behavior is a result of no consequences for his actions his entire life. I'm guessing he never got spanked. I hope you get it resolved. I'm curious what your SO thinks about the situation. I understand if you don't want to share.

Mason Hatcher · 03-06-2024, 06:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by M-technik-3

I took in my significant other's adult child now 31 but acts like a 20 year old about 4 years ago that has moved out twice and then played upon his Mother's emotions and against my better notions allowed him to move back in.

Doesn't pay rent, has a full time job has zero bills because he doesn't pay them. Has a daughter that myself and my gal are raising along with his former baby mommy that is active in her life. He pay's zilch to support her.

I gave him move out in writing 120 days ago for 1 March 24 that way he could get his shit straight, well he tells me I have right's. And sadly my Communist State of Massatushits gives him that other wise all his crap would be in the trash bin or recycled at GoodWill. So I have to go the court way, Such a fun time when all I'd like to do is get my 12 gauge pump action out and chamber a round to see how fast he moves.

I'm older and was raised the old school way and my father would have kicked my ass if I ever even thought of pulling this stunt. I also have a son who is roughly his age and he know's I'd kick his tush.

What in tarnations makes younger people think that it's ok to be a leach like this?
Just hoping the court system will just be done with sooner than I expect.

He does it because he can. It's your fault. "No one can take advantage of you without your permission" - Dr Phil

Our03z4 · 03-06-2024, 09:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreamingat30fps

Jeeez

From one fucked up situation to another. You know a 3rd possibility is you have kids who are raised right and don't end up being losers and still magically manage to have a relationship with their fathers.

Absolutely! I like to think I turned out good and I haven't needed any help from parents since 18. My wife and I even bought a house next to my parents and only down the road from her's as well. We love our parents and enjoy getting to spend time with them, also help them as much as we can. My dad and I just installed a new garage door at my house yesterday, not because I couldn't have paid for it to be done but because my dad thought we could put it up together. Just nice hanging out.

I feel bad for people that think their kids not talking to them is a good sign, it's quite the opposite.

2000cs · 03-06-2024, 10:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Our03z4

…

I feel bad for people that think their kids not talking to them is a good sign, it's quite the opposite.

It is not a good sign, but a consequence of them being truly independent (a good thing) and in some cases having their minds polluted by an ex or the current political climate. There are lots of cases of under-30s completely cutting off parents and grandparents because of politics, for example.

floridaorange · 03-06-2024, 10:23 AM

c1pher

Quote:

Scenarios like this make me glad I don’t have a relationship with my kids. I rest easy knowing I did my job and they are self sufficient. Would I prefer to have a relationship? Sure but I was never their friend, I was their father.

It sounds like you didn’t choose for them to not be in relationship with you at this stage in their life but rather you have made peace with the reality of them choosing not to. If I’m reading your post right it seems to me that you’d very much like to hit the adult reset button and create something new between you and your kids. But for the time being that’s not something they are needing, and I agree with you, that’s ok.

I do pray you guys one day both decide to reach back out, possibly ask for forgiveness for any glaring gaps that might have been left in the earlier years, and choose to let the past be just that, the past.

G35POPPEDMYCHERRY · 03-06-2024, 10:32 AM

waitttttt there is no way this is considered a squatter he is someone who you let live there.

please explain in more detial, just cuz he gets mail? i could get mail anywhere send letters to myslef

unluky · 03-06-2024, 10:33 AM

This makes me glad I never had kids. My GF has 3 kids - 19, 21, 23. 2 oldest are doing great and into their launching. They get a tad more than I would offer, but all reasonable. The last one.............another story. He sounds like someone who would do this very thing. She is hoping he "grows out of it" but it's getting worse - not better.

He was coddled as a child and every little thing was (and still is) cleaned up for him immediately. I point it out, she agrees it's wrong, then does it again immediately.

I have made it clear there will be no co-habitation on my part as long as he is like this. The plan was for her to move to me when she got him off to college, but his antics delayed us a year and have only gotten worse with the freedom of college - as I knew and told her they would. To the point the law is getting involved some now.

I can't do it. I would not be able to sleep knowing I have a squatter in my house. It would be on the market in a month and I would find something else that she and he do not have access to.

Does that make me a piece of shit? Probably. But I am not living my later years dealing with that shit. If I didn't create the monster, I should be have to deal with him.

I feel for you bro - I could not stand it either. I'd cut off my nose to spit my face for sure.

BRAKE! · 03-06-2024, 10:43 AM

It’s easy to make a rational decision when significant other isn’t yours and the kid isn’t hers.

OP, I haven’t been in this situation personally, but you’re doing the right thing by going through the proper channels to evict him. These laws exist in many states and I believe they are set up so that the burden doesn’t fall onto the state/local gov’t to figure out housing for them.

Either way, the best thing to do is to keep neutrality. Don’t engage in an argument, show sympathy for their situation (I said sympathy, not empathy), don’t offer suggestions on what to do, and put responsibility back on the person to figure out. You’ve done what you can and it’s totally within your right to draw lines around what you can and can’t help with. It looks like the relationship between you and the SO’s son are strained and probably not going to get better given the history. Best for him and you to not live together.

Lastly, if you want to maintain a relationship with your SO, don’t pit her against her son. Mom’s usually will choose their own offspring in situations like this, so avoid arguments about the son as best as you can. Good luck.

03-05-2024, 05:58 PM	#1
M-technik-3 Major 2091 Rep 1,479 Posts Drives: E30 M3, E36 M3, 328iT, 335i Join Date: Mar 2020 Location: western Ma iTrader: (0) Garage List 1995 M3 [9.00] 2007 E91 [7.25] 1988 M3 [9.50]	Unwanted house guest that has over stayed his welcome I took in my significant other's adult child now 31 but acts like a 20 year old about 4 years ago that has moved out twice and then played upon his Mother's emotions and against my better notions allowed him to move back in. Doesn't pay rent, has a full time job has zero bills because he doesn't pay them. Has a daughter that myself and my gal are raising along with his former baby mommy that is active in her life. He pay's zilch to support her. I gave him move out in writing 120 days ago for 1 March 24 that way he could get his shit straight, well he tells me I have right's. And sadly my Communist State of Massatushits gives him that other wise all his crap would be in the trash bin or recycled at GoodWill. So I have to go the court way, Such a fun time when all I'd like to do is get my 12 gauge pump action out and chamber a round to see how fast he moves. I'm older and was raised the old school way and my father would have kicked my ass if I ever even thought of pulling this stunt. I also have a son who is roughly his age and he know's I'd kick his tush. What in tarnations makes younger people think that it's ok to be a leach like this? Just hoping the court system will just be done with sooner than I expect.
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03-05-2024, 06:36 PM	#3
nerdogray Captain 1302 Rep 656 Posts Drives: 2023 M5 Competition Join Date: Jul 2018 Location: TN iTrader: (0)	Sounds like he needs a blanket party.
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03-05-2024, 06:46 PM	#4
M-technik-3 Major 2091 Rep 1,479 Posts Drives: E30 M3, E36 M3, 328iT, 335i Join Date: Mar 2020 Location: western Ma iTrader: (0) Garage List 1995 M3 [9.00] 2007 E91 [7.25] 1988 M3 [9.50]	They are in my gun safe. I wouldn't jeopardize being able to legally own a weapon. When he moved in I secured them all plus all my keys to my spare cars in it.
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03-05-2024, 06:52 PM	#5
Our03z4 Captain 1691 Rep 685 Posts Drives: 2008 BMW Z4 3.0si Coupe, Join Date: Nov 2016 Location: USA iTrader: (0)	Get rid of your significant other too while you're at it. She should have put her foot down and allowing this to go on to the point you have to go to court is insane. I would cut ties with that poor decision making family. Like the person above said, secure all weapons and you best get cameras up...most likely the drama has just begun. Sorry you have to go through this and wishing you the best of luck!
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03-05-2024, 07:49 PM	#6
vreihen16 Recovering Perfectionist 15268 Rep 941 Posts Drives: 2015 BMW i3 BEV Join Date: Jun 2019 Location: Orange County, NY iTrader: (0) Garage List 2014 Mighty Freight ... [0.00] 2015 BMW i3 BEV [0.00] 2000 Audi TT Quattro [0.00] 1967 Formula Vee [0.00]	How about getting a child support garnishment from his wages as an introduction to adulting? If you're already taking care of his child and plan to continue, you should file for guardianship and get those payments. Basement-dwellers of that age also can't survive without wifi for their gaming consoles. Just saying..... __________________ 2015 BMW i3 BEV, Giga World (Lodge interior), Tech/Driving Assist Packages, 30K miles
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		BMW X5 and X6 Forum (F15/F16) > BIMMERPOST Universal Forums > Off-Topic Discussions Board
Unwanted house guest that has over stayed his welcome

03-05-2024, 08:18 PM	#7
M-technik-3 Major 2091 Rep 1,479 Posts Drives: E30 M3, E36 M3, 328iT, 335i Join Date: Mar 2020 Location: western Ma iTrader: (0) Garage List 1995 M3 [9.00] 2007 E91 [7.25] 1988 M3 [9.50]	Mom live's in her own house. She has guardianship and started proceedings on child support last year but alas the state of taxchusetts is slow when it comes to court stuff I have noticed. Funny I suffered garnishment when State of Michigan attached my wages for child support. They took from my retirement and my full time job. I was not in the rears either. Took getting ahold a Representative from ex's district to do an audit on the my account. They payed me over 10K back. Bureaucracy is slow to work in the little persons favaor most of the time.
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03-05-2024, 08:41 PM	#8
chassis Colonel 6553 Rep 2,310 Posts Drives: 9Y0 Cayenne S Join Date: Mar 2019 Location: Einbahnstraße iTrader: (0) Garage List 2020 Porsche Cayenne S [7.69]	The definition of insanity is ____________________________________________.
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03-05-2024, 08:53 PM	#9
iminhell1 C2H5OH 3915 Rep 2,144 Posts Drives: 2010 SG 135i auto Join Date: May 2015 Location: Darwin, MN iTrader: (1)	I'm confused on what law would protect him? He's not paying rent. He's an adult with means. There's no contract law involved. So any eviction notice shouldn't be needed. If the home is solely in your name I would think you have sole control of the domicile. TBH, change the locks. Charge him storage fee's for his stuff and tell him time's up.
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03-05-2024, 09:11 PM	#10
c1pher Primo Generalissimo 4672 Rep 4,023 Posts Drives: All of them Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: DC area iTrader: (0) Garage List 2017 Porsche 911 Ca ... [10.00] 2023 BMW M2 [9.00] 2023 Porsche Macan GTS [10.00] 2022 Ford F-250 Tremor [8.50]	Scenarios like this make me glad I don’t have a relationship with my kids. I rest easy knowing I did my job and they are self sufficient. Would I prefer to have a relationship? Sure but I was never their friend, I was their father.
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03-06-2024, 06:46 AM	#15
cmyx6go Colonel 15761 Rep 2,043 Posts Drives: 2022 X6///M Comp Join Date: Aug 2015 Location: NYC iTrader: (2) Garage List 2019 X6 ///M [10.00]	I'm sorry to hear this. His behavior is a result of no consequences for his actions his entire life. I'm guessing he never got spanked. I hope you get it resolved. I'm curious what your SO thinks about the situation. I understand if you don't want to share. __________________ I thought I was a good person but the way I react when people drive slowly in the left lane would suggest otherwise
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03-06-2024, 10:32 AM	#20
G35POPPEDMYCHERRY Banned 4999 Rep 4,139 Posts Drives: F80 Join Date: Dec 2015 Location: Philadelphia iTrader: (1)	waitttttt there is no way this is considered a squatter he is someone who you let live there. please explain in more detial, just cuz he gets mail? i could get mail anywhere send letters to myslef
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03-06-2024, 10:33 AM	#21
unluky Major 7528 Rep 1,247 Posts Drives: 04 z4 3.0 Sport & 15 X5 35i XD Join Date: Aug 2013 Location: Sedalia, MO iTrader: (0) Garage List 2015 BMW X5 XDrive 35i [0.50] 2004 BMW Z4 3.0 Spo ... [0.00]	This makes me glad I never had kids. My GF has 3 kids - 19, 21, 23. 2 oldest are doing great and into their launching. They get a tad more than I would offer, but all reasonable. The last one.............another story. He sounds like someone who would do this very thing. She is hoping he "grows out of it" but it's getting worse - not better. He was coddled as a child and every little thing was (and still is) cleaned up for him immediately. I point it out, she agrees it's wrong, then does it again immediately. I have made it clear there will be no co-habitation on my part as long as he is like this. The plan was for her to move to me when she got him off to college, but his antics delayed us a year and have only gotten worse with the freedom of college - as I knew and told her they would. To the point the law is getting involved some now. I can't do it. I would not be able to sleep knowing I have a squatter in my house. It would be on the market in a month and I would find something else that she and he do not have access to. Does that make me a piece of shit? Probably. But I am not living my later years dealing with that shit. If I didn't create the monster, I should be have to deal with him. I feel for you bro - I could not stand it either. I'd cut off my nose to spit my face for sure. __________________ 2015 X5 XDrive 35i - 2004 Z4 3.0 Sport
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03-06-2024, 10:43 AM	#22
BRAKE! First Lieutenant 843 Rep 322 Posts Drives: 718 GT4 Join Date: Aug 2021 Location: USA iTrader: (0)	It’s easy to make a rational decision when significant other isn’t yours and the kid isn’t hers. OP, I haven’t been in this situation personally, but you’re doing the right thing by going through the proper channels to evict him. These laws exist in many states and I believe they are set up so that the burden doesn’t fall onto the state/local gov’t to figure out housing for them. Either way, the best thing to do is to keep neutrality. Don’t engage in an argument, show sympathy for their situation (I said sympathy, not empathy), don’t offer suggestions on what to do, and put responsibility back on the person to figure out. You’ve done what you can and it’s totally within your right to draw lines around what you can and can’t help with. It looks like the relationship between you and the SO’s son are strained and probably not going to get better given the history. Best for him and you to not live together. Lastly, if you want to maintain a relationship with your SO, don’t pit her against her son. Mom’s usually will choose their own offspring in situations like this, so avoid arguments about the son as best as you can. Good luck.
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